I was reading a blog on Gay Andy site and read a story about someone who had being molested as a child and it got me thinking about my own abuse. Here is the link to that story. In a way I can identify with it because I know I felt the same way. I wanted to talk about it and it something I have always avoided. So please be give me a chance. I am not a writer so I just going to do it the best I can.
I am gay and have not come out yet. I am not sure if that is important but I thought I let you know. I always known I was gay since prob about 10 years old. I just knew I like boys. In fact if you look at some of the things I posted on my bedroom wall when I was younger it seemed obvious that I was gay. I had a huge crush on Mark Paul Gosselaar from save by the bell and Jeremy Jackson from Baywatch. God those boys were so hot. Anyway back to me.
When I was 13 or just reaching 14 I decided to tell my teacher that I was gay. It was a hard time for me because I had lymphoid leukemia and was just trying to cope with that, dying, being gay and not upsetting my parents. I was finding it very had to cope with everything and could not talk to my parents as they were finding it hard with me trying to fight cancer. So I told my teacher. I always like my teacher his name was Mr Sneer. He was one of those cool teachers we all liked. He was easy to talk to had a great way of teaching and everyone looked forward to his classes. The girls loved him cause he was good looking and had a smile you could light up a room with and the boys liked him because he played football and could argue anyone about the beautiful game and most of all he was easy to talk to. I was having a break down and needed someone to talk to. He was my choice.
When I first came out to him he was very understanding. He said all the right words and made me feel like I was so important to him. He would give me a hug and it was so warm. I loved smelling his aftershave and feeling his strong arms embrace around me. I develop a crush on him. At nights I would have powerful wet dreams about him involving me and a couple of other boys at school I fancy. My wank off were some of my best ever with them in my fantasy.Mr Sneer would let me meet up with him after school in his classroom and I would help him tidy up. We talk about stuff like football and gymnastics which I was doing, how my treatment was going and my family. I loved going to him he was my escape and I did not feel like I had to cope with everything on my own.
His classroom was at the end of the school and had a private entrance to get to it. It had its own entrance hall and was kept away from all the other classrooms. It was one of the best class rooms that all the teachers wanted and he got it because he was so popular.Another thing we would talk about was sex. I would ask him questions as I was not that experience and the whole thing was new to me. Anyway one evening when I was helping him pack away he bent over to pick up some books from the floor. I had to check his ass as it is a number one rule for being gay.
I must have being totally transfix by the site of his ass because I did not notice when he got up and caught me staring at him. He then sat at his desk and then spread his legs apart. It certainly woke me up. But I was also very scared because he had caught me looking at him. But he just laugh and told me to come here. I went to him and he gave me a hug. He said he did not mind me looking at him. Then he looked at me and the next thing I knew he was kissing me. I was totally shocked as you can imagine. Then he had his hands inside my trousers. squeezing my cock and balls. I was so hard but it was so confusing. It was everything I wanted but he was my teacher. He then let go of me and I just stood there. I did not know where to look I was embarrass because of what he did and because I had a massive erection. He then ask me to pull down my trouser and boxers and take them off. He wanted me to do it slowly and kept given me instructions on how to take them off which is a first for me. Up until then I was quite competent of taking them off myself but you are always learning I guess.
So I was standing there naked from the waist down apart from my socks which for some reason he wanted me to keep on. Then he made me unbutton my shirt but not take them off and keep my school tie on and my blazer. He kept staring at me while rubbing himself. He ask me to wank myself. Which I did. He then unzip and got his cock out. It was massive. Other than my dad I never really seen an adult penis before and certainly not erected. I seen my bros but that does not really count. He ask me if I ever blown anyone before I told him I had and it was my bro. He was really like that and wanted to know more which I told him. Then as you expect he got me to blow him.
Then for some reason he lifted me over his lap and started to spank me. It sort of stung but not that much and I was more shocked by the whole thing and why he was doing it. Then he stuck his finger in my arse and that hurt like hell. I had to do I could to stop myself from screaming. Then while this was going on we heard someone enter by the entrance door. The next thing I know we were both panicking and he shoved me into the cupboard and lock the door. I was scared out of my mind and when I looked through the door window I could see it was some of the girls from my class who were on the netball team and had just finish practise. They came to get some work off Mr Sneer. I was in the cupboard almost naked and was frighten that any minute they would see me. The last thing I want is a bunch of girls seeing me meat and two veg. Luckily they left soon after. That's when Sneer locked the main door and then came back an unlock the cupboard. He pulled me out and we both breathe a sign of relief. I ask him if I could have my clothes back but he was not finish with me. He said the whole thing as made him very excited and he got me to blow him off again and this time he made me carry on until he cum and did that thing where he squirts it all over your face. I never understand why people like doing that. It not nice and it just messy. After that he then ask me to sit on the table with my legs apart and wank until i came which I did. He then gave me back my clothes and I got dress. He gave me a kiss and told me how great I was. He ask me if I wanted to do it again tomorrow to which I said yes.
This carried on for about 3 months until I ended back in hospital and was in and out of school. When I did go back to him he said he did not want to continual anymore and was worried about my health. I was really upset that he dump me like that but I was more upset when I found out he had moved on to another boy. I caught them when I went to see him again. He did not see me but when I heard the familiar sounds I crept up by the door and saw him with one of my class mates. He was naked and on his knees. It funny but after seen that I storm out angry that I was dump for him. I was actually jealous.
It being 2 years now and I still see Sneer. When I look back I know that what happen was wrong and I know that he took advantage of me. I was really confuse back then and I need guidance and instead I was used for his own purpose. I know some of you are thinking I should report him to the police but I don't agree with that. At the end of the day I did willingly go ahead with it and I let it continual. I could have walked out and told on him at any point but I didn't. The truth is I like the attention I was getting and if I am honest I liked the sex. Yes I wish it was on a more equal basis but he never force me to do anything and he never ever told me not to tell anyone. However I am piss off with him because he should not have done it and despite that I still like him.
He is a good teacher and he helps a lot of the kids in school and in a way he did help me. I learnt a lot about myself and he confirmed for me that I was indeed gay. So it true to say I am pretty confuse about the whole situation especially now when kids are calling out rape to every teacher that looks at them funny or has touch them. I am sure most of them like me was going with it at the time then when they got caught they cried out rape as not to take any of the blame. I am not going to do that.
So that's my story. I just wanted to get it out. I only told a few friends online about it. I never told anyone else. I don't think I would ever tell my family or my bros. I know they will go ape and I just don't want the drama. I am glad I got this off my chest and I hope it helps others. We are not alone.